Why Do African People Smoke?

 One of my most private personal findings about smokers—one that has never been certified by any survey or auditing firm—is that some people smoke simply so they can carry out their biological functions normally once they step into the loo.

  It sounds bizarre, but it is absolutely true. Ask any serious smoker.   Others smoke because they work in certain industries, so they feel they have to smoke to complete the image. I have a friend who is a DJ, and he smokes for no other reason than that he is a DJ.   Others—such as aspiring fashion models, dancers, musicians, TV personalities, and movie actors—smoke because people think that “all celebrities smoke, so it’s cool.” You will most likely find this type loudly swearing loyalty to only one or two international brands; these days it’s all about Dunhill Switch, right?   Prostitutes—call them girls of the night or ladies of the night, which is a more dignified way of referring to them—smoke for several reasons: to pass the time, because the clients at hand smoke, and because ladies of the night are not necessarily polished, mummy’s-little-girl types.   Some drunkards also smoke as a defensive tactic, because when they stagger home in the dead of night after a drinking binge, they want to deter potential attackers. The idea here is that someone smoking a cigarette is less likely to be seen as innocent or easy to attack.   Yet some people smoke simply because cigarette packs usually carry a splashy Ministry of Health warning along with a stark image of a bare human skull as a danger sign.   For example, the inscription on Intore cigarette packs reads:   Smoking kills and causes cancer, heart disease, and other health problems such as impotence, infertility, miscarriage, and stroke.   I do not remember when those Ministry of Health disclaimers started getting this long. Some time ago, this kind of warning on cigarette packs used to come in just one short, precise line:   Smoking is harmful to your health. Or, “Smoking kills.”   And ironically, that is exactly part of what attracts the smoking fraternity to the habit, because when you think about it carefully—as humans—we simply get a kind of primal thrill from doing something that is forbidden or potentially dangerous. It makes us feel manly and all that.   Some timid young men also smoke simply because their girlfriends smoke, so they feel compelled to follow along. And honestly, these are not real men. At best they are girls’ clowns. At worst they are low-budget gigolos.   Who are gigolos? They are a breed of otherwise able-bodied young men who, while the rest of us rush off every morning in our different hustles to find food for the pot, loaf around instead of going to work, usually hanging around gyms pumping up their muscles so they can become God’s gift to women purely on the strength of the massive biceps they acquired at the gym.   You people are a disgrace to us real men and to “mankind” in general.